“Is life in America soft?”

 A pretty Lesotho student in her late teens asked me this poignant question as we sipped tea on the porch overlooking the wilting rows of corn and beans that stretched throughout the valley.

I paused before answering.

“I think physically, life in America is soft,” I said. “We don’t have to walk so far to buy bread. And the roads are paved, without the deep crevices and enormous potholes you find here. We keep electricity going, except on rare occasions; we have strong WIFI and cell service. Food is abundant. When we are hot, we turn on air- cold we turn on heat. So yes, I guess in a way, life in America is soft.” 

She smiled as if she had guessed correctly all along.

“However,” I added, “Mentally, it is hard. We struggle with finances, as inflation and interest rates are frightening. Our paychecks barely cover our bills, most people have too much debt. There is a lot of emotional tension as well. Women, for instance,  hate the way they look. They starve themselves, take pills, have surgery, or obsess over exercise in effort to change that.”

“What?”

“Yes.”

“But they are so beautiful!”

“Well, they don’t see it that way, “ I continued. “And mothering is hard. Moms love their children and want so badly to protect them. But they don’t want to be overprotective, so they let the kids go. Then they lie awake in fear that something horrible will happen and that it will be all their fault.”

“No one can guess tragedies.”

“Agreed,” I said. “But it doesn’t keep moms from stressing.”

“Friendships are hard too. Women want deeply to connect with other women, but they are so busy making sure their houses are in order, their kids are involved in all the things. They work, they cook, they clean. In the end, it’s hard to find time for true friendships.”

There was silence.

“That sounds awful,” the girl finally said. 

We both dipped a thin cookie in our tea before the ants made their way up the table.

The secret to happiness lies not in possessions, titles, rank, or bank accounts. The secret to happiness is living in harmony, taking moments to share tea with someone you just met, enjoying the warmth of a fire with family, the laughter around a table, regardless of what is being served, celebrating birthdays and milestones, the tenderness of grieving with someone you love. The secret to happiness is enjoying the very blessings around you at the present moment and choosing to spread joy instead of criticism, light instead fear. The secret to happiness is knowing there is no secret… every breath has been ordained by our Father who walks with us, through every rose-lined path or sun-scorched row. He has given us a mission, whether near or far, to live in His peace, to offer it to others. He offers not a soft life, but an abundant life. And that is the life I need.